Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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