But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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