so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
