you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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