my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
