The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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