But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
