I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
