I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
