last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
