They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
