Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
