We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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