You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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