a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
