we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
