Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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