Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
