the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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