Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
