Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
