WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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