You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
