i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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