I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
