I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
