i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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