my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
