I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
