Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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