How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
