looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
