And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
