Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
