i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
