Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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