Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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