i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
