when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
That reminds me...we need to get swords
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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