I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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