they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
