you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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