just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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