based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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