dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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