i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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