you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
so much tequila, so little girl.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
