i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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