It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
