I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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