soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
