Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
